Handling conflict
HANDLING CONFLICT
Conflict is not always bad, sometimes when you have conflict it results in something being changed, someone then understanding how you feel or something happening to make things better.
WHAT IS CONFLICT
Conflict seems to happen all the time. Conflict can be over small things like which TV show to watch or larger things like wars over international borders. These situations involve disagreements and that is basically what conflict is - a disagreement between people over differing points of views, needs or issues.
The conflicts you have may not be as serious as war, but if you have ever had to do something you didn't want to, argued with your mates, or worn the wrong clothes according to your parents, and then you have experienced conflict.
HOW DO I DEAL WITH CONFLICT
- People react to conflict differently. Some typical responses to conflict are:
- Ignoring, not facing it or running away from it.
- Stewing about the conflict and keeping feelings like anger inside.
- Seeing conflict as a competition that you have to either win or lose.
- Giving up what you wanted in the beginning or changing your point of view just to make peace.
Most of these are short term solutions and while can make things easier at the start but can make you resent others and make the conflict bigger and harder to deal with in the end. After some conflict situations, you can end up feeling helpless, confused, stressed, tense or resentful and your relationship with others can be damaged or seem hard to repair.
HERE ARE SOME IDEAS & WAYS TO HELP YOU DEAL WITH CONFLICT & RESOLVE ARGUMENTS
Be calm and stay in control.
Staying calm is important, it is so easy when you are in an argument for it to get out of hand, for you to say or do something you will regret later. Keep your voice calm and at a normal level, when you are shouting people tend not to listen anymore and communication falls apart. Name calling and abuse doesn't help you get things resolved.
Work out what it's really about?
Before you can find a solution to the problem you might need to find out what the real trouble is sometimes two people can be fighting about very different things and not realise it Each person comes to the argument with a different viewpoint and things that are important to them. You need to be prepared to listen to them and understand how this is making them feel. Just as it is important for them to know how you feel (see being assertive).
Be prepared to be fair.
Try to remember not to blame or threaten. Working on solving a problem rather than trying to gain a win over the person you are in conflict with. If you feel that they are trying to bring you down or deliberately hurt you, tell them it has to stop before anything is resolved.
What are the options?
Understanding what the conflict is about will help in finding the solution. Look for as many solutions to disagreements and issues as you can. Sometimes it's not that simple. It might take time and you may have to keep trying to work on finding the best solutions. Also, it is possible to agree to disagree.
Show that you want to work things out.
Be prepared to apologise for things you may have done wrong or unfair words said in the heat of the moment. Remember sometimes we can hurt someone without meaning to. Be prepared to acknowledge that they are hurt by what you said even if that was not your intention. You may have to negotiate an agreement. This may involve a little give and take. Make sure you follow your word and stick to any agreements.
Who can help?
A third party may help you see a different perspective or act as an umpire in a conflict. Go to someone you trust like family, friends, counsellor, teachers or even the police (maybe someone is being violent and hostile) for support. You might try watching and learning how others deal with conflict and take notice of what worked or made the conflict worse.
When things don't work out.
Sometimes you have to agree to disagree and this may result in the two people having to break away from each other for a while. If you have been open to trying to find a solution and have tried to come to some understanding then you have done everything you can. Try not to be too hard on yourself. You might find some time apart might let you both think about the issue and try again later. It is always better to have tried to work out the problem than to ignore it and hope it goes away because in the end it never does.
You have some choices when it comes to dealing with conflict.
Will you react in a negative, loud, impulsive way or will you respond in a positive way behaving thoughtfully so that you feel in control?
Acknowledge the conflict situation for what it is. Not everything has to be right and perfect all the time. That does not mean you ignore conflict. You accept it and try to see what you can change about the situation.
Learn from your mistakes and believe that you can gain something from every situation. Go into conflict with a fair and positive attitude. Ask yourself what you have learnt from the conflict - it might be about yourself, the other person or the situation.
For more information follow these links:
Child & Youth Health - Conflict Resolution
Relationships Australia
SafeYouth.org - Conflict Resolution
Reachout.com.au
Headroom - The Lounge
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